Billy Crudup Had a 'Full-Blown Panic Attack' While Performing Onstage: 'I Was Filled with Shame'

Mar. 15, 2025

Billy Crudup on Sept. 15, 2024.Photo:Frazer Harrison/Getty

Frazer Harrison/Getty

Billy Crudupsaid that he struggled through a very publicpanic attackwhen he first played the title role in the one-man Off-Broadway showHarry Clarke.The actor, 56, toldRachael Ray, “occasionally I will experience panic attacks,” on the Oct. 29th episode of her podcast,I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead,and shared details of what they feel like for him.“One of the features of panic attacks is you kind of lose an idea of where you are,” Crudup explained. “You get tunnel vision. Your heart’s beating through your chest and you wanna just run. You wanna tear off your shirt and run somewhere — which is a very uncomfortable experience to have when you’re in front of, say, 150, 400 people — and especially if you’re the only person up there.”TheMorning Showstar, who recently reprised the role for a limited run from March to May 2024 in London’s West End, first took the stage to play conman Harry Clarke in November 2017 when the show premiered off-Broadway at the Vineyard Theatre. It was during that early run where Crudup said, “I lost my place. I called for ‘Line,’ which is a way of saying to the house management, ‘Please help me. I don’t know where I am.’ “Billy Crudup posing following a performance ofHarry Clarkon March 13, 2024.Dave Benett/GettyBut asthe Emmy winnerexplained, “We didn’t have any systems set in place because I’d never called for [a] line before. And so from the booth way in the back of the theater, I hear [Crudup mimics some muffled sounds]. And I was like, ‘Oh, this is a bad idea.’ I have a full-blown panic attack.”“I’m watching my mouth move. I’m sweating like a hog,” Crudup continued. “And the show — which is normally about an hour and 20 minutes — was under an hour because I cut 20 minutes unbeknownst to me. I just kept marching through it.”Although he said “the director was incredible” in how she handled the experience, Crudup said, “I was filled with shame.”He shared that he later learned it was as bad as he’d thought — regardless of what wifeNaomi Wattssaid to reassure him. “One of our friends was actually in the house, who, years later, would recount her experience. As I was telling the same story, she goes, ’Oh, I’m so sorry, Billy. I was in the house when that happened,’ “ he recalled. “And I said, ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I bet that that was tough.’ AndNaomiwas like, ‘No. I’m sure it was fine. I bet she didn’t even notice, Billy.’ “From Left: Billy Crudup; and Rachael Ray.Amy Sussman/Getty;  Charles Sykes/Bravo/NBCU/GettyHowever, the friend informed him that “it really was the worst experience of my life.“ Crudup continued, saying, “And I said, ‘Worst experience ofyourlife? Not only did I have to do it that night, I had to march back to the theater the next night.’ ““I’m so happy you shared that because you have to forgive yourself,” Ray, 56, said. “Sometimes we all hit a wall. It just is what it is.”“Exactly. Sometimes it’s just not there,” Crudup said. “This is what’s novel about all of these approaches … creating a meal, creating a song, creating a story. There’s a million ways for each of them to go wrong.”Never miss a story — sign up forPEOPLE’s free daily newsletterto stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

Billy Crudupsaid that he struggled through a very publicpanic attackwhen he first played the title role in the one-man Off-Broadway showHarry Clarke.

The actor, 56, toldRachael Ray, “occasionally I will experience panic attacks,” on the Oct. 29th episode of her podcast,I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead,and shared details of what they feel like for him.

“One of the features of panic attacks is you kind of lose an idea of where you are,” Crudup explained. “You get tunnel vision. Your heart’s beating through your chest and you wanna just run. You wanna tear off your shirt and run somewhere — which is a very uncomfortable experience to have when you’re in front of, say, 150, 400 people — and especially if you’re the only person up there.”

TheMorning Showstar, who recently reprised the role for a limited run from March to May 2024 in London’s West End, first took the stage to play conman Harry Clarke in November 2017 when the show premiered off-Broadway at the Vineyard Theatre. It was during that early run where Crudup said, “I lost my place. I called for ‘Line,’ which is a way of saying to the house management, ‘Please help me. I don’t know where I am.’ “

Billy Crudup posing following a performance ofHarry Clarkon March 13, 2024.Dave Benett/Getty

Dave Benett/Getty

But asthe Emmy winnerexplained, “We didn’t have any systems set in place because I’d never called for [a] line before. And so from the booth way in the back of the theater, I hear [Crudup mimics some muffled sounds]. And I was like, ‘Oh, this is a bad idea.’ I have a full-blown panic attack.”

“I’m watching my mouth move. I’m sweating like a hog,” Crudup continued. “And the show — which is normally about an hour and 20 minutes — was under an hour because I cut 20 minutes unbeknownst to me. I just kept marching through it.”

Although he said “the director was incredible” in how she handled the experience, Crudup said, “I was filled with shame.”

He shared that he later learned it was as bad as he’d thought — regardless of what wifeNaomi Wattssaid to reassure him. “One of our friends was actually in the house, who, years later, would recount her experience. As I was telling the same story, she goes, ’Oh, I’m so sorry, Billy. I was in the house when that happened,’ “ he recalled. “And I said, ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I bet that that was tough.’ AndNaomiwas like, ‘No. I’m sure it was fine. I bet she didn’t even notice, Billy.’ “

From Left: Billy Crudup; and Rachael Ray.Amy Sussman/Getty;  Charles Sykes/Bravo/NBCU/Getty

Amy Sussman/Getty;  Charles Sykes/Bravo/NBCU/Getty

However, the friend informed him that “it really was the worst experience of my life.“ Crudup continued, saying, “And I said, ‘Worst experience ofyourlife? Not only did I have to do it that night, I had to march back to the theater the next night.’ “

“I’m so happy you shared that because you have to forgive yourself,” Ray, 56, said. “Sometimes we all hit a wall. It just is what it is.”

“Exactly. Sometimes it’s just not there,” Crudup said. “This is what’s novel about all of these approaches … creating a meal, creating a song, creating a story. There’s a million ways for each of them to go wrong.”

Never miss a story — sign up forPEOPLE’s free daily newsletterto stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

source: people.com