Teen, Who Adopted His Late Mother’s Last Name, Tells Stepmom She’s Not ‘an Incentive’ to Change It to Match Father’s

Mar. 15, 2025

A woman and a teen (stock image).Photo:Getty

Getty

A teenager has shut down his stepmother’s long-held wish that he take the same last name as her and his father, arguing that his stepmother is not “an incentive” to make the change.

“My dad was never the hands-on parent he liked to pretend to be, so he’d just tell me to accept being loved,” the teen continued, recalling how the birth of the first of his three sisters two months after his mother’s death changed a lot for him.

A teen boy and a woman (stock image).Getty

When the teen was about 8 or 9 years old, his father and stepmother tried to legally change his name but he told the judge that he wanted to keep his mother’s last name. Now, years later, his stepmother still has not stopped pushing for him to change his name.

“It really bothers my stepmom that I don’t share their last name. She has three girls and wants ‘her only son’ to share the same name as her,” the 19-year-old wrote. “She told me to do it for her because it would make her really happy and I could present it as a Christmas or birthday gift.”

But the teen refuses to be swayed. “I told her she wasn’t an incentive for me to change my name because I don’t want to be her boy and I don’t accept her as my mom. She started to cry and she called me spoiled and bratty in retaliation,” he concluded his post, asking the Reddit community to weigh in on whether he’s in the wrong in this situation.

Never miss a story — sign up forPEOPLE’s free daily newsletterto stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer​​, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

The majority of commenters took the side of the teen and recognized his likely motivation for wanting to keep the name he has.

“I assume a major reason why you don’t want to is [your name] honors your mom. You and her have the same last name, so why would you want to be someone else?” one person wrote. “You can be someone’s stepkid without changing your surname. What a selfish request and to keep pestering it for years is so rude. Where’s the respect for your mom?”

A teenage boy (stock image).Canopy / Getty Images

Canopy / Getty Images

Another person agreed, writing, “Your stepmom doesn’t seem to understand that you already had a mother who meant a lot to you, and she can’t replace her, no matter how much she wants to. Her desire for you to take her last name feels selfish and disregards your feelings and your connection to your mom. It’s also disappointing that your dad isn’t supporting you in this. You deserve to have your wishes respected.”

Others praised the teen for sticking to his convictions. “I’m proud of you for standing your ground! You’re a strong and mature 19 year old. Your mom would be very proud of you!” one person wrote.

The PEOPLE Puzzler crossword is here! How quickly can you solve it? Play now!

One commenter even urged other stepparents out there to take heed and learn from the teen’s situation.

“To all potential stepparents out there — read and digest this,” they wrote. “Trying to erase the memory of a deceased parent out of a child’s life often results in a poor relationship between you and the child. The child’s literal identify is tied to both parents, and trying to replace them and erase their memories is not good for their emotional well-being and won’t end well. Continually pushing for that type of validation will only push them further and further from you.”

source: people.com